We’ve all heard and read the statistics – “Fifty percent
of marriages end in
divorce.” While studies do show that approximately half of first marriages
in America end in divorce, it’s also true that most people who enter
into a marriage do not want or expect that marriage to fail. So what do
you do when you come to realize that your marriage is not meant to last
“’til death do you part”? How do you break the news
to your spouse that you want a divorce?
Friedman & Friedman, Attorneys at Law has more than 30 years of experience
in divorce and
family law matters. We have helped many clients through the divorce process from
start to finish and we are here to help you take that first step. Read
below for tips on how to prepare yourself and your spouse for a divorce,
or contact us at 516.688.0088 if you would like to consult a Long Island
divorce lawyer today!
Things to Ask Yourself
Before you take that step and tell your spouse that you want to go your
separate ways, take a moment to step back and look at the big picture.
To make sure you are making the best decision for you and your family,
ask yourself the following questions:
“Do I Really Want a Divorce?” – This may seem like a silly question, but it can stop you from
making an irrational, spur-of-the-moment decision that ends up being a
mistake in the long run. Are you 100% sure that you are unhappy with your
marriage and that all avenues have been pursued to reconcile? If so, then
you truly do want a divorce.
“Does My Husband/Wife Know That I Am Unhappy?” – Just because you are unhappy does not mean that your spouse
knows it. Unless you have already made it clear to your spouse that you
think your marriage is failing, do not jump to the conclusion that he
or she knows how unhappy you are. Make sure they know you are unhappy
with your marriage long before you broach the topic of divorce. Otherwise,
you could give them an unnecessary shock and make the process that much
“Am I Prepared for a Divorce?” – Divorce is a long, involved, and difficult legal process. Are
you ready for the paperwork, the long mediation sessions, the court dates,
and everything in between? Are you ready to be single and on your own again?
Only pursue a divorce if you are certain that you want a divorce, if your
spouse already knows that you are not happy with where your marriage is
headed, and if you are fully prepared for the difficult process of divorce.
When, Where & How to Say You Want a Divorce
Plan ahead of time when it comes to when and where you break the news to
your spouse about a desired divorce. Catch them at a time when they are
more likely to be level-headed and rational in their response. Maybe prepare
them by saying “I have something really important I need to talk
to you about. Can we sit down on Friday night to go over it?”
Do not just drop the bomb on your spouse and walk away—schedule it
for a time where you know you will be able to sit and talk it over at
length. Examples include Friday night or Saturday morning before a free
weekend, so that you have a couple of days to cool down, process the information,
and talk it over before daily life takes over again.
In some cases, it may be beneficial to get the help of a family therapist
or other professional to help you prepare for this issue. Counseling and
even role-playing can help you find the right words to say and the right
time to say them. You may even be able to break the news to your spouse
during a scheduled counseling session.
Most importantly, remain as calm as possible when bringing up the topic
of divorce to your spouse. Even if they become emotional or upset, keep
calm so that you diffuse the situation as much as possible instead of
adding more stress. Again, it may be helpful to have a counselor or lawyer
with you to help mediate the situation. Find out if Friedman & Friedman
could help you as you seek to make one of the most difficult and important
decisions in your life.
Need the Advice of a Divorce Attorney?
Call 516.688.0088 to Set Up Your Initial Consultation.